Cara Sue Achterberg
Originally published in WriteOn! Summer 2018 Issue
Why Do You Write?
This is a question I always pose to my creative writing students. Many are earnest, excited, anxious adults who hope to write a novel. They arrive in the classroom with crisp blank notebooks and their favorite pen (as instructed), but what they really bring are their dreams. They set them down gently in the scarred chairs of the high school geography classroom where we meet.
It is big, this responsibility I feel each semester when I get the list of my students. I try very hard to tread the thin line between hope and reality. Beyond instructing them on story structure, editing tips, and writing exercises, I want most of all to encourage them. But as a published writer who spent ten years toiling before finally seeing my name on the spine of a real book, I know the road they are embarking on is long and painful and frustrating.
For the ones who dream of publishing, at some point in our eight weeks together, I ask them: How bad do you want it? Because I know the answer to this question is important.
Elizabeth Gilbert, in her book Big Magic, has a chapter called ‘The Shit Sandwich’ in which she basically says, you have to love what you’re doing enough to eat a lot of shit. Crude, but so very accurate. It was a chapter that spoke to my soul because I have lived that question.
In fact, my running playlist from fifteen years ago had two versions of the classic “How Bad Do You Want It?” on it. When the song would come up in the rotation, no matter where I was in my daily run, I sang that song out loud.
I wanted it. Bad.
I think all of us who are pursuing a writing career need to come to terms with our personal answer to that question. The odds are certainly stacked against us. There’s nothing special about me, I tell my students; I’ve received hundreds of rejection letters. Many of you probably have as well.
But it doesn't mean I can't write.
My daughter, Addie, is pursuing a degree in Musical Theater. She hopes to spend her lifetime in the limelight. Recently, after several callbacks, she didn’t get a part she had her heart set on. In fact, it went to a young woman whose singing voice can veer towards flat and who does not tap dance (a requirement for this role). What she has that my daughter doesn’t is the classic ‘leading girl’ look and connections with the theater. And so she got the part. Even though Addie can sing and dance circles around her.
I sat with my daughter when she received the news. She was devastated. She said, “It’s so unfair.”
I agreed.
“I'm just not that good.”
I disagreed.
Finally, I told her a version of what I tell my creative writing students. “There is a lot involved here that you cannot control. You can only study and work and practice and put your best effort forward. After that, you have to let it go—it’s out of your hands. You’ll never know why someone is chosen over you. And you can’t waste energy being angry. What you have to do is ask your self: how bad do you want it? Enough to endure disappointment and rejection and endless frustration? What is it worth to you? Why do you do it?”
“Because I love to,” was her answer.
And it's the only answer for those of us willing to swallow any number of shit sandwiches in pursuit of our dream.
Why do you write?
Because you want to be published? If that is your only reason for writing, I would challenge you to dig deeper. Being published does not make you a writer. It’s one kind of validation, but it’s not the only one. And it may not be worth the shit sandwiches that accompany it.
Getting published does not live up to the impossible expectations we layer upon it. I won’t lie and tell you it doesn't feel good—it certainly does. But you know what happens the day after your first book is published?
Everyone asks what you're writing next. And it does not get easier. There is not a point where you no longer deal with shit sandwiches. So, my friends, I must ask—why do you write?
Cara Sue Achterberg is a freelance writer, novelist, and blogger who lives on a hillside in South Central, Pennsylvania with her family, three horses, occasional foster dogs, and too many chickens to count. She is the author of two books. Her essays have been published in numerous anthologies and her freelance work has been featured in national magazines. She teaches workshops on Intentional Living and creative writing. You can find links to her blogs and inspiration for teen writers on her website CaraWrites.com.